Healthy and happy again.

My dear friends, supporters, and interested people,

After nine weeks in India, I am back to the person I was. This sentence is not compatible with my new Buddhist thoughts, but what the heck. I am simply well again. Symptom-free for six weeks now. And positive energy continues to flow through me. It really can be compared to a glow from within. My eyes are shining, and my body feels good. I’m looking forward to getting back to work soon, playing music, enjoying art, and especially looking forward to seeing the people in my hometown. I have missed so much. But not just for the last nine weeks. After the Covid vaccination, I literally disappeared, as if I had been wiped out. So it’s been a year and four months that I’ve been away. But now I am back in life. And we have achieved this miracle together. You, who supported me, and I, who walked the path. Thank you, dear people from near and far. Thank you that I am healthy again. I have been back in Berlin for a fortnight.

I took the time to arrive. Because what good would it have done to officially report myself back as healthy without knowing how my body and mind were processing the change? It is now my task to embed what I have learned and experienced over the last few weeks into my life. Whereby I look at it from the other direction. I try to integrate the old into my new little world so that I can look at my outside from this mindful and clear existence. I have learned a lot recently. I was in Ayurveda therapy in Kerala, then deepened yoga and meditation in Rishikesh, and finally traveled to Dharamsala to learn more about Buddhism.

I still owe you this last part of my journey, my dear friends, supporters, and interested parties. As announced in the last report, I went on a Buddhist retreat for ten days. No smartphones, no outside world, just 60 people who want to know more. It was a very compact program, consisting of tight classes. From six in the morning until dinner at 6 pm, and then well into the evening hours, we were busy understanding. The teaching of the emptiness of all things and bodhicitta, compassion for all sentient beings in the world, were the basic topics. I can tell you that it was challenging. Perfect for testing whether the brain fog that had held my brain captive since the Covid vaccination had really dissipated. Every evening we got together in discussion groups and talked about existence, non-existence, truth, projections, love, family, connectedness, and much more. Elsewhere, I would like to talk about these experiences in more detail. Because it has resulted in changes in my consciousness. A widening of my perception of the world and of myself.

The highlight of these days was that we all went to the Dalai Lama together. There was a ceremony for a long and healthy life of the 14th Dalai Lama, His Holiness. And there I sat, in the midst of all these people, healthy and happy. I thought of all the paths and situations that brought me to this very place. Unbelievable.

I thought of my own suffering, the suffering of this world, and all the good that blossoms within us and all around us at all times. I felt what I was taught during those days. Everything is interdependent; nothing exists by itself. And something else came to me in those moments. Every action within the ceremony, every action, no matter how small, was full of meaning as well as millennia old. I have also been allowed to take part in such ceremonies in other parts of India. In Europe, of course, we all have people and things that we love and appreciate. But I have the feeling that we often take many things for granted. There is a certain Western power arrogance that makes us think that we are simply entitled to so much. But in doing so, we partly lose something that we humans absolutely need to exist happily: Gratitude, and that we also express it. Maybe you can help your parents more because through them you are here; maybe you can tell your friends more often that they are an important part of your life. It doesn’t have to be big ceremonies, small appreciative attentions here and there. The same goes for yourself. Thank your body for carrying you; thank your heart for loving you.

Of course, I am now sitting in my beautiful flat in Berlin, and many questions are circling in my head like crows around the Berlin Cathedral when they come home in the evening. What is to happen next? With the blog, with all my plans. Can I still live my old life at all? Will I play techno in a club again someday? What new things will come into my life? And you know, dear friends? It will come to pass. Things will happen or they won’t. But what I already know is that I don’t want to be so pre-planned anymore. And I don’t want to have projects on my mind all the time either. I also don’t push things so hard anymore. I give impulses, and the rest either comes or doesn’t. That doesn’t mean I’m unmotivated; it means I’m trying to let things take a more relaxed course and relinquish some of the control. I still need some time to think about what to do next with this blog. I feel that this thing is far from over. The political and social situation in Germany on the topic of post-vac syndrome is still not good. This topic still needs more attention in our society, and those affected, of course, need help. At this point, I would like to ask for forgiveness for not being able to reply to some of your sometimes sad messages. Please forgive me for not having had the space to do so, but bit by bit I will get back to you. And please don’t stop writing if you are not feeling well because of the Covid vaccine. You are not alone. There are ways and means to improve life, even if many of our German doctors, health insurance companies, and health authorities have no solution for us. There are other people who have taken on these problems. I can still tell a lot about the health significance for me of meditation, yoga, mantras, and breathing techniques. And also how I try to unite my new small and warm world with the here and now of the Berlin winter. At the moment, it is snowing and it is wonderful.

See you soon, my dear friends, supporters and interested people.

Tilo